Partisan Test!

Okay! Time to determine your political sophistication.

  1. What political affiliation are you? If you answer in a heartbeat, -10 points. If you prevaricate a little before answering, -5 points. If you say something other than “Democrat” or “Republican”, +0 points. If you answer “Conservative” or “Liberal”, you should probably give up this test – you’re going to lose.
  2. Have you ever voted for a member of the ‘opposite’ party?
  3. Who is the stupidest/worst/lamest/etc member of your party? Or name someone who you respect from the opposite party (need not necessarily vote for).
  4. Name something good said by a member of the opposite party.
  5. Any issue you don’t back your party with?
  6. Any issue where you agree with the ‘other’ party?
  7. What kind of thing, theoretically, would have to happen for you to leave your party?

If you had a hard time answering the questions because you don’t know which party is ‘your’ party and which is the ‘other’ party – you’re lying. Everyone leans. Or else you’re saying if you average up your votes for all things that it does end up right down the middle then you’re a weirdo.

If you easily answered the questions – answering #1 in a heartbeat and easily able to say that ‘no’ or ‘nothing’ is your answer for everything else, you are a douche. People like you make political discourse in the US into simple mudlsinging and label-attaching. When your party decends into some awful, terrible place from which all reasonable people will climb out, you will cling on. Congratulations. You are a Nazi. You kill women and children. You lose.

If you answered Yes to all the questions you are still lying. Stop it!

If you answered Yes to a couple of the questions, then good. You are interesting.

Thank you!

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