PHP Modules

Edit – this is a rant I found while looking through my drafts. I have nothing further to say on the issue. I originally wrote it 4/20/06. I think I might have been angry when I wrote it.

WHAT in the FUCK are you thinking when you try and put a thin thin thin wrapper around your shitty C API and try and pass it off as a PHP API? WHAT THE FUCK!?

Net::DNS – a direct port from Perl, where it was a bad idea there. As opposed to looking up addresses, you have to dick around with handles for things and all kinds of inexplicable crazy crap. “Set flag blibbleblabble on outgoing packet by toggling …” jesus!

PHP Ldap – the only differences between ldap_get_values and ldap_get_values_len and one returns char ** and one returns a null-delimited array of pointers to BER encoded structs…WHO FUCKING CARES! Why should this information be even _getting_ to me. I don’t fucking care! I am in PHP – I have arrays and hashes and shit coming out of my asshole! I don’t need your char ** null delimtied fucking bullshit!

Something I figured out a while ago – more important than anything else is the goddamned programming interface. I don’t care if the innards of your code summon angels to perform, before I even make the call, whatever I request – if the interface to request it is:


poo *CREATE_FART_REQUESTOR(void *)
void APPEND_FART_REQUESTOR(poo *)
void *int (struct char[poo] *&->FINALIZE_FART_REQUSTOR(poo *,int request_id,char ******varglpx_r )

Then no one will care.

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