Subway stories, vol 7000 –
So today I’m running ridiculously late for work – the dog escaped this morning and was biting my head and running around and chewing squeeky toys. So eventually, I got up and put her back, and went back to sleep. The end result is I’m 40 minutes late today. Hopefully I will not be killed.

Dunkin’ Donuts was quick, though – cruised through, and my total was 22 cents more than usual. So I ignored it and continued onward.

I took my seat next to an older lady – 50’s ish, who was reading a bible. Seconds after I bit into my muffin, she asked, “Did your grandmother ever tell you that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? You should try to eat a bowl of cereal or some oatmeal…a glass of orange juice…” I mentioned, “Well, it is a bran muffin….” and she continues to list foods that were better for me. Until she was cut off by her own uncontrollable coughing. I offered her one of my D’nD napkins, which she politely declined. Then she left me alone for a while. BTW – she referred to me as ‘young’ – so I’m liking this chick already.

A few stops later, she says, “but a bran muffin is better than nothing….” and we get into a nice conversation – I explained I used to eat strawberry frosted donuts, which we both agreed were bad. The weird thing is she keeps injecting bible stuff mid conversation – methusala was one, she hit a couple more Lord references. And for some reason she pegged me as Jewish. So I’m Jewish and young. “You know what chaim means?” Of course I do, I’m Jewish. But I’ll let you tell me (Life, apparently). As the biblical reference quotient increased, I started to get a little uncomfortable, and my smile started to wear. But then at Roosevelt Avenue, she got off. She left me with a religious booklet – I think perhaps even targetting Jews, in a Jews-for-Jesus fashion.

Anyways, I liked her because she called me young. Memo to those trying to get me to join in your church – flatter me. Baal worshippers, I’m talking to you.

Chaim!